I keep looking to understand why is it so hard to be happy, and give the benefit of the doubt to the people who surround us. To keep going helps me remember that learning is a continuous process.
It has been almost a year and a half since I started; now I see some situations in my life as a road travelled and I want to keep moving forward. I see my kids grow up, and my friends and family learning how to share. I have seen a wider network of resources form, and I have learned to keep going – but I still need more. I see that there is a light on the road; I still have mixed feelings about the moments I have lived. Whenever I see and listen to my children, how they are growing and maturing as people, it makes me think of what I want, and that I have not been so wrong. Sometimes I just go through moments of frustration and anger for not being able to fix my problems.
Even if I know that there is always a solution, I think that every step is better than sitting around just passing the time. Learning how to cope with challenges makes me believe that everything happens for a reason, because while I am very grateful to each of the people who have crossed my path, they have taught me I am not alone in the struggle of life. I have learned to enjoy even the bad times; I’m doing projects with other people, and it fulfills me. I enjoy sharing one of my passions, which is cooking; every weekend, we prepare a meal to go feed the less fortunate; we deliver hot food so they know that no matter the situation they are in, there is always someone who thinks and cares about them and that they can also change their life with the help of someone else. I am part of a Hawaiian dance group, now I have my own dance-therapy group; but I still participate in an advocacy group, and in organizations that fight for the good of the community. Now I see that God does have something for everyone. Even me, who at times suffers and feels frustrated because I am away from my biological family,
“I see that it is possible to find family at heart; it is possible to feel, to live and to be happy; we carry our homeland, our race, our customs, our roots, our ideas and our family education to every place we go.”
Today I am happy to share the fact that I am here, and say that I may not have everything, but I sure have my family, and there are still a million possibilities to do much more in every step I take. As I like to say, always finding crazy people who share one of my crazy ideas. And again, I return to the understanding that there are no useless lived experiences. Everything I ever thought was a mistake, I see now with joy, something which has served as a ray of light coming into my brain for me on projects, making me understand that this computer with rusty information – that I call my brain – has been renewed and flourished with its’ stored information, and it causes me to smile knowing that nothing is useless. Every stone, every fall, every idea, every message, every situation are allies and living resources in my life.
Now I think that because I am 47 and no longer 20, I should sit down at some point and remember. I plan it will happen but now my life is full of dreams. I also turn back and think “oh, no, I can still do more and more.” The day will come when it won’t be possible; but there is still much to do. Last year, I broke my ankle on both sides of my right foot and my fibula, because I was skating. Ouuuuuch! I still remember and enjoy that day (before the fracture, hehehe). After August, which was when I discharged myself, I didn’t have any surgery to my ankle. I guess maybe I should think more about when I get old. But I feel I’ve done it now that I am writing it = I want to live as intensely as I can, and if reality lets me, I don’t want to live a moment without learning and enjoying, sharing and giving.
“I love life and I love my life with its ups and downs. It is what has taught me to keep living.”
Thanks to everyone who has crossed my path and thanks to you for giving me the opportunity to express it.
Storyteller Kurusa is a mother, wife, daughter, sister, and aunt, among other things. She is a human being with endless ideas, successes and failures, but is looking and learning how to help in order to make life better.