In the previous blog, the two of us – one older and one younger– talked about our experiences through “adulting,” and what it meant to both of us, and the implications for our futures. Through this post, we discuss our experience navigating life as graduates. For the younger one, what will life mean after graduating? For the older one, reflecting on graduating as a first-generation Latina in the 70’s.
A: Well, amiga, congratulations on your upcoming graduation. What will leaving college mean to you?
I: Leaving college means completing a childhood goal as well as my parent’s dream. As of right now, it also has felt like a time for exploration and patience. Deciding to graduate during the Winter quarter meant that I would have to take a gap year, as all grad school applications for the area of focus I want to go into were due in the Fall quarter. This has left me feeling out of control. Leaving college has meant releasing my need for constant control, which I guess is my full introduction to adulting.
I: What did graduating college mean to you?
A: A next step into adulthood. I didn’t have a job or a way to take care of myself. I could return home, of course, but that didn’t make sense. I didn’t have money to pay for grad school or any “marketable” experience in a profession, and felt I needed a little more life experience, too. There were very, very few scholarships available to students at the time that I was aware of to pay for grad school. Remember this was before the internet.
I worked A LOT during college and over the summers – but hadn’t had any internships. Back then you paid for those and where was that money going to come from when I made less than minimum wage? Students were paid wages that were less than minimum wage. The money I made paid for my books, far and few incidentals, and bus trips home. It went fast.
Information was scarce beyond taking the GRE in preparation to apply to grad schools.There weren’t people I could talk to about that transition either. I looked for it at my college’s career center and attended all their programming. My professors didn’t share much either or point me in any directions. Finding out about any opportunities after college was worse than navigating the whole “going to college” scene.
A: What are your next steps?
I: Right now, my steps have been preparation for job hunting. I have begun to take advantage of the Career Service Center at my university and have begun to meet with the career counselors. I am trying to learn about the different career opportunities outside the ones my parents told me about growing up: Doctor, Lawyer, Police. I have gained interest in advocacy and organizing work and I am attempting to find a way to incorporate all my interests into a career. Through my time in community college, one of the biggest things I learned was that if there was no career option that I liked, I could create my own as an independent contractor or entrepreneur.
I: Did you feel like your next steps were up to you to decide?
A: Of course! No one else but me was going to live my life!
I: Did you know what you were going to do after college? If yes, what did you have in mind? If not, what emotions and thoughts did you have about the next steps?
A: After college, I didn’t exactly know what I was going to do or “be.” I knew I needed more experience and I needed money to live on. So, I had to start by getting a job and a place to live. Back then, connections were most important. But I definitely didn’t have them. I had done a lot of secretarial work while in college and knew that that was not what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. Yet, that was what everyone was offering me.
Internships had been heavily promoted at my college. Unfortunately, they were always unpaid, so I wasn’t able to take advantage of them. Grad school was out of the picture too, initially, because who was going to pay for it? I knew there were scholarships and loans, but I wasn’t about to commit to a loan without a strong and steady economic foundation. I had to be practical.
I tried to make an assessment of my likes, strengths, and skills, and even took a career aptitude test at the career center. It pegged me for being a physical therapist! I had no clue what that career consisted of!
A: How are you making sense of life at this stage?
I: In attempting to make sense of life, I am trying to “go with the flow”. I have always been the type of person to always needs a plan and to have everything written out. On campus, I invested myself in multiple organizations and have taken on many titles. Instead of always being on the go, go, go, I am learning how to slow down and just put one foot in front of the other instead of already mapping out all the steps I will take.
This is hard for me to do, especially because I think that if I stop doing something, I will not get myself back into the groove of doing. I always think I have to be producing, so the thought that the answer lies in stillness is not something I think I will be able to adjust to. The whole idea of making sense of life is so overwhelming because I have the anxious thought that I am going to mess up my life, because my future depends on me. Growing up being the only child, to then being an older sister, I feel like a lot depends on me. Now that I am entering a chapter that is filled with the unknown, I am scared.
I: What helped you figure out the direction you would take? Did it feel like the opportunities you received were because of intentional luck or intentional focus?
A: I think life (like love) doesn’t always follow a plan. I was, at that point, also seeing that things were not black or white but different shades of gray because of the struggles of the adults in my environment.
Things that helped me figure out the directions to take with my life were caution, curiosity, strong “gut-feelings” and being true to myself – who I am to my core, and what that has meant for me. Of course, this was peppered with being “practical.”
As for intentional luck or intentional focus, it sounds like a luxury I may have had while in college, but not afterwards, because the hustle began right after graduation.